dusk

So if you smoke a pack a day for twenty years.. That is ,20x365x20.

146,000.

So if you smoked a half a pack that is 73,000..

And see.. In this life there is dumb shit.. people believing the end of the world is right around the corner.. Any cult.. Silly putty…

There is dumb shit ..

I challenge you to think of something more dumb..

146,000 cigarettes.

That is a level of dumb that simply shouldn’t exist..

(chills you out though..)

Alright,so the price changes..but let’s adjust for your bullshit ass inflation…

“ten bucks a day,times 365,times 20”

That is seventy-three thousand dollars…

And this bolsters my point..there are people… among us….that shouldn’t be allowed to breed.

(zing)

And freedom of choice and blah blah fucking blah..

How are people allowed to do this to the mass population?

(humans Been on tobacco like forever…)

But twenty rolled up pieces of paper a day?

Can you see Tonto in the woods, busting out his peace pipe every hour and a half?

“you-um white man…-you make me stress-like a dangerous serpent in the wilderness…you make me vibrate….and you uh .. killed us and took our home…”

Shit man…have a cigarette.

I’d be stressed out too…

Back to my point ☝️

20 years.. completely within the law .. puff puff puff…

(You literally smoked a cigarette while you were typing this)

That’s my point.

We might have a generational dumb shit scenario…

(kids be vaping)

They do…

Tobacco is less in fashion and I think that’s good…

But discipline..

(nah you see healthy kids, running on the sidewalk and shit)

It’s just me?

(pretty much)

….

Seriously…

What a dumb fucking thing..

To consciously kill yourself…

(if you talked all that shit,you otta own it)

Your death?

That’s another thought altogether..I’m merely recognizing the level of magnificent stupidity that would steer a person like that..

(makes you overthink any sore throat…)

It goes away with aspirin…it’s just…an od I’md feeling thing..

(and the brain gets away from you…)

I say “good”.

Christ Almighty you should care about yourself.

You should give a shit.

And you can do it without any fucking vanity…

Fuck..

I am beyond angry with myself,for every step that led us here ..

All of it.

Every word,every fork in the road.

And if I had someone I loved I would beg them

“don’t do what I did”

Certainly not..

I will think about these things and observe my body,I will notice the twenty fucking choices every day,and I will let there be no delusion,bi fantasy building..

What… stupid…. shit…

I was going to smoke another but no I don’t even want to..

(pacing doesn’t feel the same without a cigarette)

I know…

They go hand in hand during my alone time..

Ugh…

Libraries of failure.

I got em holmes.

I drag them the fuck around and that’s why I walk funny.

And there is no going back. And you can mine a mountain of terror with that simple fact .

(you done?)

Man fuck you.

and fuck you for thinking you can ruin this for me.

You can’t.

And we’re all going to die.

(and sometimes a sore throat is just a sore throat)

I’ve never had them return after a week or two..

(tonsils..plus all the wild shit you just toss down that throat ..)

A person should pay attention…

(and be able to shut their goddamn mouth)

Yes… while they are thinking…

I’m gonna think a little bit more.

And I’m not going to smoke.

(bullshit)

Let’s play the honor game..

Like we have honor..

The time is 10:34.

I’m going to go as long as I can and update when I break..

(That’s why you’re weak, you already declare the break…)

No, for real..

I’m gonna hold out and come back here when I break.

And I’ll stand on honor …

(Pshhh)

Shut up…

10:35 pm. 6/19/26

—

I feel nothing at all with some aspirin..

Like now I don’t notice anything,no slight pain when swallowing..

Just aspirin…

Real talk,that extract tears the shit out of your throat…it’s very possible to get a throat issue after long term use…that’s only logic…

(and you dumb af)

I could only know by stopping.

(Yankee Doodle dandy)

Mmmmm

Man fuck you …fuck that eyeroll… Can distort nothing ,…

Alright…still no smoke..buster ass motherfuckers…

—

I could stop everything..a person has the access to the power..

It’s inya…

(the words… always with the fuckin words….on and on and on.. )

You could..

11:27.. haven’t broke.

Fa fa fa fuck you….

12:26… wanting..

Perhaps a hot tea…with some honey in it…